I'm scared

The more I think about going through surgery on August 6 and going back into the nursing home, the more scared I get. In the past 9.5 months, I've only been able to lose 30 pounds. If I could have exercised, it would have been more. Once again, I'm at a huge risk during this surgery. Plus, I didn't like how I was treated in the nursing home. Last time, I faked being better just to get home. I'm sure that had a huge impact on why I'm not healed. I can't come back with an in-home nurse or stay with my parents (mom's a nurse), because I am too heavy. If I don't do the surgery, I could lose use of my leg and may never walk again. I'm almost tempted to except that then to go back to that awful place.